http://chaoticinfinities.blogspot.in/2014/09/introduction.html#comment-form
http://vijayashoka.blogspot.in/2014/09/paragraph-1-home.html
http://manishakoppala.blogspot.in/2014/09/home-is-you.html#comment-form
After reading these posts, I was a little surprised of some of the writing and grammar skills presented. I hope that I was able to provide adequate feedback, but I don't know if what I said will be helpful to them. One thing I did notice in the style is that a lot of the students used a lot of descriptive writing. Most of them were really good at describing Home, but establishing a thesis was more difficult.
Mira--Thanks for commenting on Indian students' blog posts and thinking about differences between our rhetorical moves. Students there need to focus on issues surrounding the canons of rhetoric, in particular, as well as the appeals. A lot of these students do use very descriptive writing. Perhaps that's a difference--the tendency to tell a story or a narrative seems greater in India than in the US in terms of rhetorical differences. Perhaps their background isn't the same with regard to thesis statement writing and development, as well, which could be a different educational system generally but cultural differences specifically. There may be less emphasis on a thesis after an introduction here, for instance, than perhaps later or as implied in a persuasive essay.
ReplyDeleteMira--Some quick notes if you have time to include them into your draft due in a few days:
ReplyDelete- file size is large, but it should download for others
- your format works for this assignment, but traditionally a philosophy statement is more formal in tone
- good demonstration of diversity and its importance
- I think the inclusion of intercultural competence is good
- nice to see applications of some of your concepts, such as accessibility, especially as it relates to applied rhetoric
- summary is good, could be a little more inclusive of main ideas
Mira,
ReplyDeleteAs someone who learns best through visuals, I really enjoyed this alternative format. The photos of your family and community reinforce your stated values of Diversity, Intercultural Competence, and Usability and help me as an audience start to understand, and appreciate, how your life experiences have cultivated them.
A few thoughts if you work on this again at some point this semester. In the second slide, I found it hard to focus on your narrative when the quotes from Aristotle appeared. With my tendency to focus on what I see in front of me, the words on the slide distracted me from listening to you. But, they are important to your statement, so maybe there’s a way to incorporate them into your spoken narrative so they don’t get lost? (Usability!) The other suggestion I’d make is to give the young boys on slide 4 more context. How do you know them? Since you provide context for all of your other “references,” I found myself wanting to know how they also fit into your life.
Really interesting style for sharing your philosophy statement. It leaves you a lot of room to add new stories that relate to your values as your career progresses. Perhaps down the road you can tie in projects you’re proud of or other experiences that highlight the values you bring to business communication.
Maggie thanks for the feedback. Just to let you know the boys are one of my best friend's nephews. I've known them since they were babies, so it's pretty devastating seeing the progression of PKAN.
ReplyDelete